The Curse of Js

Throughout my life, I have had many forms of stress. Sometimes, personal problems have dealt repeated, oftentimes harsh, blows to my psyche; other times, it is the outside world that decides to wail on me with seemingly never-ending blows. Everyone has stress, but what makes in part all of us unique is the way we deal with stress. Some of us seem to be unaffected and it washes off our backs like a tortoise in a rain storm, while others are simply washed away by the smallest drop of rain. In my own growth and development, I have noticed an increasingly worrisome trend when it comes to me and stress.

Compartmentalization of my life is a major part of how I organize my own thoughts, and the people around me. I tend to make sure that things, concepts, and ideas remain in a specified sphere of influence and do not encroach upon, or 'bleed into' other functional areas. Certain aspects of my life, such as relationships, have influence over more than once space. Generally, this mental structure works pretty well for me, and allows me to remain professional without letting my personal feelings get in the way too much.

Stress, however, often causes 'bleeds,' usually when one area begins bleeding into another. When this happens, the stress begins to translate, which generates more stress but now from two areas at once. This generally continues, unless a mitigating factor keeps the feeling in check. At this point, the 'curse of Js' takes over and the stress has to be worked off and away in it's own 'natural' way with limited conscious interference. 

The curse of the Js refers to my MBTI typing, which demonstrates a strong J-over-P preference. Js have a tendency to require closure; during periods of stress, my need for closure begins to override the logical processes I have in place to determine in each area. It's also like a systemic autoimmune disease, where my feelings and disorganized thoughts begin to identify anything and everything that's around as a potential stresser, causing disintegration and usually some form of self-destructive behavior. This 'curse' is one that I struggle through periods of intense stress coupled with a feeling of helplessness or uselessness. Instead of sitting back and sorting through my feelings, organizing them, and seeking a resolution, I begin bottling up the emotions and try to 'remove' them, seeking any 'solution' that I feel might be able to do so.

In the past, I have been much worse at being able to channel this nervous energy into a helpful consequence. However, this stress management remains a problem to this day; although I grow more, and more able to handle it and shape it to my own ends (and consequently, it occurs less frequently), I ultimately must take the first step in acknowledging my immaturity in this area. In many ways, I am still a child and still have much to learn, and much distance to grow.

Today is a contemplative morning, and I face the dawn. However, I still wish to return to bed. Hence, I am lazy.

Cheers.