Ogres are like Onions

In my triumphant return to blog writing (jeez, a hiatus of three weeks!), I was going to write about the complexity of human personalities, and how many things are layered deep within our consciousness (hence the Shrek reference). However, in my realization that I've probably done such a topic to death, and while I was ironically cooking dinner for myself, I had an epiphany. When cut, onions make people cry.

I am a fundamental believer in secrets as much I am a proponent of people telling the truth. There are aspects of people's lives that are very much private, and while some keep it in cages made of transparent glass that are easy to see through, others keep it in dank dungeons under severe lock and key. One thing that is often pushed in modern society is this concept of 'openness' paired with the idea that with perfect acceptance, the conflict between people will become mitigated. Perfect understanding of one another, while simultaneously being able to of holding separate opinions is not an ideal I would either disagree with or despise; in fact, I would say I am as much a proponent of such a paradigm as any other idealist. The caveat here, of course, is that I am not so much an idealist as I am a realist.

The fact is, humans come from a subjective bias innately, making any sort of 'non-judgmentality' difficult. Humans will always judge, based on our past experiences, the things that have shaped our behavior, the things that we really want to see in the world around us. Because of this, total understanding can never fully eliminate bias; it can only mitigate it. Secrets and its ilk, smoke and mirrors, deception, and lies, are all things that oftentimes are used for other aims such as personal gain, but are also tools that people can use to protect themselves and others. To know that a piece of knowledge would wreak havoc upon other people, be it a personal interest that is shunned throughout society or a deep dark fact a la Da Vinci code, is paired with the responsibility of revelation. If we know that understanding is not infallible and that bias and judgment will always dominate, then should we not conceal things we know will only cause more conflict? There is always a limit in a person's worldview when they simply cannot accept something, and in modern society we have not so much broken the limit as simply made it higher.

In some cases, I would argue, the limit hasn't moved at all. It might even have shrunk.

Case in point is the idea of religion's place in society. Revealing to extremely religious parents that one is atheist is oftentimes not the best policy; the potential for hurt feelings, arguments, and far-reaching consequences is simply too high. How, then, is one to reconcile this with the idea that all people should be fully accepting? For certain parents in this situation might one day 'understand' their child's belief, but the bias against it will always be there. There will always be friction. There is never that smooth transition. (Ironically, this is probably worse if you've lived in an atheist community and you have discovered and strong personal faith, hence the 'shrinking' limit of acceptability.)

So then, what do onions have to do with it? We as people, are like onions. We have layers upon layers in our behavior, and we grow outward and face the world while protecting values and ideas we hold dear. Our outside is oftentimes a tough (though not necessarily opaque) skin, designed to maintain our self-cohesion and prevent our identities from breaking apart into a messy glob of thoughts and philosophical matter. As whole onions, we sit, and we grow, and we are fairly stable.

Don't cut the onion. Sometimes, it is best not to illicit an answer from someone because you know it will only make everyone around you cry. To allow people to keep their secrets, no matter how much you wish to know them or how dearly you wish to change their minds, is perhaps the truest form of understanding and acceptance we have not quite mastered yet. If ever.

Today is hot outside and I'm tired from work; therefore, I am lazy. And eating fried rice.

Cheers.