Lost and Confused

As I lay on my couch, somewhat tired from swimming and choir practice, I have the blissful few moments of reflecting on my day, and my life, and the past few months. Things have not been going swimmingly (haha, pun) for your blog writer; well, to be honest, in one aspect of my life. Personal things are quiet, but professionally, I have never been more frustrated.

The current program I am in is a rather new, two-year 'professional masters' program (whatever that means). I had decided to come here because the premise of the program was honestly quite interesting; a hybrid program that combines elements of business and science in order to generate value. Truly, science and research management is a much different beast from traditional companies. The risks are high, the rewards higher, and slews of politics, regulations, and games to play. Certainly, it is a different kind of animal, similar to how paleontologists are almost a different breed of biologist that require a further investment in seemingly more esoteric and general skills.

However, I was being an idiot. As usual. Much of it stemmed from the sudden rush of euphoric 'ooh, novel' (similar to 'ooh shiny' magpie behavior), and some of it stemmed from me just wanting to pursue something else and a new professional direction. What I had neglected to do in my haste was to look in a little bit more deeply; I had always gone to academic institutions that solidly recognized, nurtured, and developed the value they could add. My high school and university both had an extremely clear mission statement, and no matter my concerns or problems, I could rely on both to provide me with resources and support. At the very least, both (although my high school less so) are nationally recognized and the branding has added to my value as a potential employee. Honestly, who hasn't heard of New York University?

I had been raised to trust in my academic institution. But what happens when that trust is broken?

Without naming the school, I can easily, and quite confidently, state that my current program is a sham of an academic institution. It might talk the talk (and there's a great deal of talk, to be sure), but the direction the school is heading is really quite the opposite of what would be considered an improvement. I cannot at this moment confidently even state that the name of the school matters much, beyond a sort of curiosity. There is no branding here. There is no defined value.

The school has no solid, defined, and specific value proposition despite being opened more than a decade ago. Any company without something so fundamental would have fallen by the wayside, and unfortunately, I believe that is where this place, and a year of my life (possibly two!) is going. It's disgusting, saddening, and very detrimental not only to my view of higher-education professionals, but to my view of people in general.

I have no doubts that those in charge are fairly competent, or that they are 'smart.' However, the culture seems to be based more on mutual ego-stroking than that of actual efficacy. It's as though the entire administration is afraid that any aired dirty laundry will damage the reputation of both the institution and the administrative staff; and rightfully so! However, the lack of outside accountability is damaging the ability of the organization to make fundamental decisions. Companies are directly invested; in their early stages, the employees are driven and hold themselves personally accountable. Later stages, there are stock holders, government agencies, consumers, partners. What does this institute have that is nearly the same?

Alumni, advisory council, and students. I am hesitant to believe that the administration listens to any of them beyond a repainted hash that twists criticism into kind hearted words of improvement. At this point, what is needed isn't the protection of people's feelings, or a 'feel good we can do it' atmosphere, but accountability, and the drive to see the problems as they are and recognize the issues.

It is clear to me that the ones on top are running around lost and confused, much like a chicken without a head. I'd like to broaden this comparison a bit more; it simply is what happens when you put a bunch of people, who potentially are quite brilliant separately, in a room and tell them to do something. Egos get in the way, everything suffers, and in the end, the 'best' solution sometimes is the one that makes everyone feel good. However, when situations like this begin to break down, and there is no clear route to be seen, pressures of decision make force action to occur without foresight, planning, or consideration.

It's like an ADHD kid running around a candy store, leaving half-eaten packages because he can't commit or decide. And invariably, the sugar will run out at some point, and the kid will drop.

Today is a sunny day, but my frustrations have gotten the better of me. Hence, I am lazy.

Cheers.