A few moments ago, I was randomly idlying on Facebook (some things will never change) when I came across the impassioned statement of a friend of mine expressing a sharp conviction not to live with her parents. The various comments that other people had written, ranging from 'keep your head down, you'll get over it' to 'yeah, move out, move out now' reminded me of my own, somewhat similar experiences. Sure, I have never really had to live with my parents after the age of eighteen, where a smart combination of begging, student loans, and odd-jobs managed to keep me through, but I had always wondered what it would be like to live with my parents as an adult. Would things be easier? Harder?
All parents have expectations of their children; the degree of said expectations ranges from 'You will be president of the United States' to 'oh, just try not to kill yourself.' However, expectations still exist and abound and it is prudent for us, as children and as future parents, to try an understand why our parents think and feel in certain ways. Oftentimes, the generation gap between us makes any form of discourse somewhat difficulty, though I believe such a thing is mitigated should we be raised with a sense of intellectual curiosity and understanding.
But I for one could never live with my parents again past the age of eighteen. The idea of now constantly having to be beholden to someone else, especially during the younger rebellious years, puts a dampener on a great deal of things. To be sure, the support and love our parents give us (and their invaluable and sometimes overly critical advice) is crucial; however, it is also crucial for us to make our own decisions and determine through that, what it is we wish to achieve, attain, and assimilate. Though this differs from person to person, for me personally, I required a large amount of freedom and space in order to successfully discover my own desires; now, I can't return back to a place where, despite free food and laundry, I would have to be obedient and listen.
True, we are all beholden to other things; to our friends, our loved ones, our government, our society. However, parents are perhaps the stickiest of all such influences. In almost all cases, I believe that the love between a parent and a child supersedes a great deal except a child's urge to develop. Do we perhaps resent our parents for having such strong influences over us, when we appear not to have the same towards them? Maybe it is this sort of feeling, the idea that we have been shaped and raised and altered before our own conscious minds have even developed, that leads at least some if not all of us to become frustrated with our parents. It is not simply because they are 'people that irritate us,' it is perhaps the nature of the relationship that irritates us.
Yet, as I reflect over my own life, I have little doubt that my presence influenced my mother; perhaps even to a higher degree than she has influenced me. Children always change things, and their parents are no exception. For a person to suddenly now be responsible for a helpless little baby, placed with the burdens of comforter, disciplinarian, and homemaker, a change must be invoked. Thus, before our parents place their hopes, dreams, and aspirations on our shoulders and shape our minds to their ideal view, the very act of our birth has already shaped them.
Just like how the birth of our own children will one day, shape us to become new people as well.
Today is sunny and I woke up too early. Therefore, I am lazy.
Cheers.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Do or Do Not
As I sit here by my new coffee table with my roommate (in his terribly stylish classes) sitting nearby while the two of us jam to Rachmaninoff's 2nd Piano Concerto, I am struck with how comfortable it has been to move to settle into California. For the weeks prior to my trip across the country, I stressed and worried a great deal about whether the transition would be smooth or bad enough to drive me to alcoholism, but it has turned out instead, to be a fairly comfortable trip albeit not without its slight problems. All of my concerns about the solitude, the adjustment, and the paranoia on losing my 1400 dollar laptop melted away in the face of good company, decent weather, and jetlag.
It's quite odd how adaptable we are sometimes, but in many ways, it is gratifying to know that the world can still surprise us; and to know that we can still surprise ourselves. Perhaps my years living on the East Coast have sufficiently embittered me enough with the sensibility of 'always right' confidence, but I am pleased that I still have the capacity to be mollified when I am wrong about something. Sitting here in a comfortable, plush environment with the music switching to the L'isle Joyeuse over an awesome sound system (that my roommate brought with him), I wonder why I was apprehensive at all.
It is no secret that I endorse thinking as the primary way to make decisions because foresight is arguably much better than Epimetheus, but there are times when action is also needed and the best course. To do something, in that split second of action much like that of a reaction reaching critical mass or a person's conviction hitting a certain level, is as necessary as it is to consider carefully the repercussions of those actions; to be sure, it is the moderate approach that is the most fruitful, neither extreme nor end. Thinking too much on any action will often result simply in more thinking and in the end, it is not the thinking that gets things done. Thinking only shows us the ways and hopefully, the best possible way.
Though I will posit myself always as a thinker first and a doer second, I can never disavow the utility of action. Even moreso, there are times when I am liable to fall into my own traps of circular analysis resulting in only a static perpetuation of the status quo; and it is in those times that I should hope to improve my person and become more proactive in changing things to what I believe they ought to be. It is not in my nature personally to oftentimes be so bold, but if anything else, it can only serve to usher in new types of experiences I have not yet encountered, and new things for me to learn.
Today is not rainy (does this place ever get rainy?) but it's warm, so I'm lazy. I should probably at some point change the name of my blog to 'Lazy when Sunny' to reflect my new environment.
Cheers.
It's quite odd how adaptable we are sometimes, but in many ways, it is gratifying to know that the world can still surprise us; and to know that we can still surprise ourselves. Perhaps my years living on the East Coast have sufficiently embittered me enough with the sensibility of 'always right' confidence, but I am pleased that I still have the capacity to be mollified when I am wrong about something. Sitting here in a comfortable, plush environment with the music switching to the L'isle Joyeuse over an awesome sound system (that my roommate brought with him), I wonder why I was apprehensive at all.
It is no secret that I endorse thinking as the primary way to make decisions because foresight is arguably much better than Epimetheus, but there are times when action is also needed and the best course. To do something, in that split second of action much like that of a reaction reaching critical mass or a person's conviction hitting a certain level, is as necessary as it is to consider carefully the repercussions of those actions; to be sure, it is the moderate approach that is the most fruitful, neither extreme nor end. Thinking too much on any action will often result simply in more thinking and in the end, it is not the thinking that gets things done. Thinking only shows us the ways and hopefully, the best possible way.
Though I will posit myself always as a thinker first and a doer second, I can never disavow the utility of action. Even moreso, there are times when I am liable to fall into my own traps of circular analysis resulting in only a static perpetuation of the status quo; and it is in those times that I should hope to improve my person and become more proactive in changing things to what I believe they ought to be. It is not in my nature personally to oftentimes be so bold, but if anything else, it can only serve to usher in new types of experiences I have not yet encountered, and new things for me to learn.
Today is not rainy (does this place ever get rainy?) but it's warm, so I'm lazy. I should probably at some point change the name of my blog to 'Lazy when Sunny' to reflect my new environment.
Cheers.
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