Sham-WOW!

The reference in the title and how it has to do with my subject matter today might not be very clear (read: obscure like Shakespeare's diary or any joke made by a Trekkie), so I'll just say it out right. The answer is mildew.

Why do we want to buy Sham-WOW (it'll make you say Wow every time!)? Because the cola starts to come out. Because we don't want our carpets to stink from spilled beer, dog pee, and soy sauce. Because we don't want to see it fester, decay, and suddenly reappear one day as a giant, smelly stain that makes you wish you bought Sham-WOW.

People are like this too.

I recently had the pleasure of reading a blog of my friend, in which the author eloquently and rather brazenly decided to tear new holes into 'unfortunate people' who lack the learned skill of empathy. The contention is simple; one who does not share parallel, applicable experiences with someone else is incapable of showing an innate understanding. This is clearly a bad thing, and thus, people should experience tears and bleeding hearts in such a way that they can truly appreciate a real happiness. As an observer (as best I can be, at any rate), I cannot find fault with this train of logic and in fact in some ways, subscribe to this ideal.

However, as I perused the post a second (and then a third, fourth, fifth, and sixth time), I noticed something else. The author makes a secondary claim that those who lack this form of empathy are inherently judgmental. While tiptoeing between phrases that reside between Sarcasm Town and Insultingville, the clear message is that should one understand another person's pain, they would innately know that comfort is the proper response when confronted by someone else's situation. As a corollary, people who willingly grow intimate in terms of feelings and emotions are asking only for understanding and this 'empathy.' The author continually makes the claim that those who lack empathy are oftentimes judgmental, a mentality that those who have experience pain and suffering a la MLK Jr. or Anakin Skywalker cannot and more importantly, should not have to tolerate.

I first scrunched up my nose. I then laughed. I then had a few gulps of Pepsi while my pet bird fell asleep on my shoulder as she often does.

I haven't really written on the subject of pain precisely because it is so subjective, but I do know that for as many people there are in the world, there are just as many mindsets on the matter. People view experience in different ways but one thing that I do believe is common is that we all feel pain and suffering. Sure, my level of suffering cannot compare to that of certain people, and vice versa, but to judge someone's lack of empathy is based on how closely they come to your experience is innately wrong. This would have offended my sensibilities a bit less had it not been written quite so closed to the chest in a semi-confrontation chiding manner, but suffice it to say that a big fat context was needed.

The main gripe, however, is the fact that those who are emotionally open willingly towards people only ask for comfort; a pat on the back, scratch on the head, soft-baked chocolate chip cookie. While it is understandable that people have a 'happy place' against whatever trauma that happens in the world, this mindset implies heavily (both for the author and a more general populace) that it is a requirement and worse, it should be composed only of cushions and compliments. Although normally I am not against a form of 'buffering,' I cannot condone it in this context. Why? The hypocrisy is outstanding.

People have to feel pain to understand pain, sure. But people all deal with pain in different ways. Some people, yes, require a happy room with toys and mommy and time to heal their battered egos; others merely push through it with tenacity. Still others dwell on pain, giving rise to emo children and anyone who listens to Marilyn Manson (I kid, of course). And still others simply accept the pain and the consequence, and move on. Perhaps the author was not so much berating the lack of empathy as a lack of a parallel solution; in this case, happy place. There is little basis inherently in claiming someone doesn't understand pain, and this lack of a clarification doesn't showcase how much the author was possibly mistaken as much as a lack of understanding of others. Pot calling the kettle black, although I suspect that this is closer to pot calling kettle black when the pot is blind.

The kettle might not be black, then.

I talked about communication before and stated how my favorite pets (after my cockatiel, of course) were often birthed from misunderstandings. This is a case, however, that is even further rooted down; an inability to understand a person's world view. We might not agree with everyone else's viewpoint on the world (there are many that I simply cannot condone) but we can at least do our best to understand them. If a misunderstanding in communication is the mildew, then this fundamental disconnect between two perceptions is the festering cola underneath that manifests only after so much time. It is not a matter, then, of examining a statement or changing words but a matter of scrutinizing mindsets and changing viewpoints.

I was reading a speech by some guy named Vonnegut, in which he stated that if Jesus was alive in modern times, he'd probably be persecuted just as heavily. How very, very true. The idea of acceptance is so counterintuitive to so many things, from competition to judgment, from law to war that if Jesus was alive today, we'd lock him up as some kind of lunatic. Yet, perhaps these are tenets that we should strive to live by more and more. Grace. Acceptance. Perhaps not a lack of arrogance, but a sense of understanding. Otherwise, words like the beloved cited author's become more and more commonplace; more and more mildew begins to stink from the various things spilled and lost and ignored.

Bet you wish you bought a Sham-WOW then, huh. I know I would. This is why I try cleaning up my spills as fast as possible!

Today is sunny but because my pet bird is lazy, I too am lazy but not lazy enough to not clean up the pepsi, should I spill any. I unfortunately after all, do not own a Sham-WOW.

Cheers.